I didn't really have much to say yesterday! I had to leave early and asked my Manager if I could work through my lunch hour which he agreed to. My senior colleague insisted that I come to lunch with them so I went for a short while and actually had a good time.
Today has been busy and I think after my little talk to my Manager, my senior colleague has realised that he is not pulling his weight in the office and is trying to make amends, which is good news for me! Because now I can start concentrating on my work rather than making sure he has done his work.
My other half told me off last night about my attitude and told me that if my work was affecting me so much, then I need to decide whether I want the relationship or the job. I don't think that he understands that I am just not emotionally where I need to be at the moment and it will take sometime before I get there. I'm not like him who is good at confronting problems and just letting them pass over his head as and when he needs to.
I had a couple of head hunters call me today, but nothing concrete. They all start with the same line and finish with no job.
A colleague of mine that seemed to sympathise with me regarding the whole informal meeting that I had with HR has just gone to lunch with the complaint girl! I was waiting for it though, because I told her that she will need to pay for the part she broke while trying to jump start her car! I hope they enjoy their lunch anyway!
I have started helping at my local church mainly because I need to find my spiritual side, but also just to get involved with the church community which I was heavily involved in as a teenager. I think that the calm religious nature of our parish will help me to get some relaxation away from my normal life.
It's only early afternoon, I have loads of work to do, so I will continue and the time will go faster, hopefully!
Thursday 1 March 2007
Wednesday 28 February 2007
The "Is It Bullying?" Part.......Part 2
The next day, this colleague that was "supposedy" the highlight of our meeting was sitting very terse at her desk when I came in. I greeted her and she greeted me back with a one line response. Now I sit opposite from her and we talk quite alot about our kids. Today, the atmosphere in the office was as if someone had died. She spent the day in and out of meetings with various people and at one point went into the MDs office and closed the door. Another colleague asked what was wrong and she told her that it was something that she wouldn't discuss with her. She did look like she had been crying and she eventually left work early. At this point, she was not talking to the receptionist, who is someone that I believe she would lay her life down for if given the choice.
The next day, she moved her computer screen so that she could not look at me directly and she didn't say a word to me other than hello! All the ladies in the team had noticed the tension in the office and a couple of the guys could feel it too. No one said anything though! I tried to make conversation with her but she was not interested in talking to me.
The Receptionist and the latest person to ignore me organised a lunch at the office and decided not to invite one of my colleagues that I always go out to lunch with and I. Now this colleague used to always go out with these 2 before I arrived and since I have arrived, she has really warmed to me and vice versa. She is really a lovely person and I can relate to her personal problems, I think that is why I am fond of her friendship! Another person invited out for lunch enquired as to why we were not invited and we were all told that it's because when we go out for lunch, we do not invite them! Come on, how many people can you fit inside a 2 seater car?
They used to go out before and they used to use the Receptionists car and when my friendly colleague invited me, I always said no because I did not really want any contact with the Receptionist outside work.
My colleague was very upset about not being invited and she went into the staff room, visibly upset followed closely by the colleague that made a complaint against me. I went in to check on her about 10 minutes later. I was then acused of upsetting my colleague by the one that made to complaint against me because of the division that I had caused between the Receptionist and my colleague. My friendly colleague immediately defended me and explained that it was their behaviour that upset her, nothing else. By the way, they have stopped talking to each other because the Recptionsist was doin really childish things during work like not collecting her post, putting calls through to her that are not really what she deals with, stuff like that. Oh, and of course she is doing all this because she talks to me, not really for any other reason!
So, yes I was upset that the team went out for lunch and thought that it didn't really matter if I was there or not. I suppose that you can then really gauge how wanted you are at this stage. I know it has nothing to do with work, which I was told of by both HR and the Complaint girl, but it was now obvious that I was been routinely subjected to mental abuse by a select few.
They knew I was mentally weak at this point and they played on it perfectly. They had me in check!The colleague that made a complaint against me then took it upon herself to inform HR at a later informal meeting that she walked into the staff room after my colleague and I had been in there consoling my colleague and admitted to causing divisions.
I was advised by HR that if there are any problems, I should take it up with my Manager or contact HR directly using my Manager's mobile phone. I did decide that this attitude was directly because of whatever the Receptionist had told her. I then decided to speak to my Manager and tell him that the tension in the office was not good for us. In his words, "What Tension, I cannot feel it! You are imagining things!". This of course left me stuck. If I cannot approach my Manager when things are not right, who can I approach? At this point, I decided to cut my Manager out of the loop and deal straight with HR.
The complaint girl did her utmost to mentally demean me, and I fell for everything, despite the support I was receiving from friends and family. I suspected everyone was out to get me, even the ones that were trying to protect me.
I decided to give HR a call, and we missed each other for a little while. HR are really busy, difficult to get hold of. On the day that I finally broke down, my Manager asked me in the morning if the complaint girl was still not talking to me because he had noticed that the situation that I had flagged up to him earlier had not improved. His words not mine, he approached me, I didn't approach him! I told him that the situation had not changed.
I then became acutely aware of the fact that she was ignoring me and it suddenly felt like the whole office was against me. I broke down and quickly went into the staff room before I started crying in front of everyone.
I finally did speak to HR and told them that if we work in the same team, then I thought that we should at least at the very least be courteous towards each other. HR told me that they could not force anyone to talk to me. HR sympathised with me because I was extremely upset by this point. HR told me that they would come in a week later despite my Manager recommending that they do it sooner. At this point, it was now affecting his ability to handle the situation and he could not cope either with the distraction.
He then suggested that he call the complaint girl in and we sit down and try and resolve the situation. I told him that I was in no state to deal with a meeting about this now. He then said that it was his opinion that it might settle things. I decided to phone my other half who told me to pass the phone to my manager. I don't know what he said to him, because he won't tell me, but I do know that it upset my Manager. Anyway I finally broke and agreed to this meeting that my Manager called. He went out to talk to the other girl who started ranting and raving at her desk before coming in. She started saying things, which I can't remember. All I do remember is that she was talking down to me and I then told her to stop bullying me and I will not sit here and accept it. Both her and my manager quickly pointed out that it was not bullying. I honestly don't know if it was or not, but what I do know is that we both shouted and she made a point of walking out before I did, even though I got up first to do so! My manager then told me that I should go home because my other half said so! I told him that I was not going home under any terms and that I was a professional, and despite the way I am feeling, I will go to my desk and do my work, which I did!
One of the MDs of the company then asked me into a meeting at the end of the working day and asked me what happened. I told him and he suggested we all sit down the next morning and everyone can say what they wanted. He was very objective and he was very clear that he was not in it to take sides. He did comment to a colleague of mine later that he was extremely angry that the situation had got to the stage it was at. He felt that it should have been dealt with before it got to this stage and also before HR got involvement.
The next morning, the complaint girl refused to attend the meeting saying that she had no issues. I became acutely aware that everyone in the office knew what was going on because my senior colleague had words with this girl while I was in the staff room talking to HR. FYI, after my Manager had noticed that she was giving me a cold shoulder and thought it would be wise to get her to swap desks with someone else. I know he did approach her about it but she obviously refused and he did nothing about it. I cannot be sure about this though, it's just what I think happened.
I decided to apologise if I had caused any problems the day before. I planned to do this in the team meeting the next week but the meeting was postponed. I then sent an email to everyone in the team apologising and pointing out that I was very upset and it was not my intention to cause a disruption.
Everyone was very receptive to that email and the atmosphere in the office immediately changed! The complaint girl emailed me back and said thank you, but we will discuss this later when HR come! What, are HR coming for a meeting with her and I? This is the first time I knew of such a meeting, 2 days before it was meant to happen. Obviously, by me apologising had messed up any plans that she had to attack me. I knew that she had made a complaint against me and then proceeded to email HR and ask if they were still coming in and if we were all meeting. I also set out that I had apologised, including apologising to HR and explaining what happened on Friday. I also set out that I did not think that it was necessary for HR to come over because I am withdrawing any complaints that I am making and I want to try and move forward. I informed HR that I was in no state of mind to be dealing with these issues and I knew that it was just going to turn out to be a situation where she would try and force me into a retaliation.
I did not receive a response from HR until 17:15 that night. HR are aware that I finish work at 17:00. HR emailed me to tell me that there was a meeting to discuss what happened on Friday and, crucially, if we wanted to bring in someone for support, then we should choose someone and let HR know. Funny that! When I made a complaint against someone, HR decided that I do not have the right to bring anyone into the meeting. But when someone else makes a complaint against me, then it's fine for them to choose!
What made it even more laughable is that the complaint girl then emailed HR suggesting that she brings the receptionist in and also my friendly colleague because "this whole thing involves the Receptionist and my firendly colleague apparently was present at almost every exchange!" HR then forwarded me the email and asked me if this is OK with me! Which planet are HR living on? I thought we could choose who we wanted, not given who we wanted. How could HR even suggest this. I didn't reply because I was meeting with our Family solicitor to discuss my options
HR then sent me a letter that I deemed to be threatening where I was made aware that if I did not attend the meeting, I most likely will face a formal disciplinary hearing. They also informed me that they had made me aware of this meeting almost a week before and I should have prepared for it and I should not have any excuses for not attending. FYI: HR had suggested that
they would come in to talk to me. They had not confirmed that there would be a meeting with the complaint girl, and they had giving me approximately 24 hours in advance to prepare for this meeting. KNowing the state of mind I was in, that I constantly had been reminding them of, something that I had complained about from my initial letter to my Manager, I would say that HR are starting to employ bullying tactics. Well, that is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion! I also enquired from HR why they had not entitled me to bring someone for support into the meeting, I am still waiting for a response today!
I decided to consult a good family lawyer who listened to my story and also pointed out issues and the best way to resolve it. He made me aware that Black people of carribean desent living in the UK had campained very hard to have the term "coloured" removed as a description of black people because it has always been used in a discriminatory or negative sense when referring to black people. I would have understood this if the receptionist explained this to me. I don't know if she actually knew what I have just explained, but being of carribean desent, I would think so. He also told me that I was not obliged to attend any informal meetings if I did not feel that up to it.
He explained to me that if I was happy that I had closure of this and would want to move forward, then I do not need to attend any informal meeting that did not involve me.I took his advise and that night I emailed HR when I got home informing them of my decision not to attend any meeting as I had not requested it and didn't feel the need to be part of something that I was not interested in and had put behind me. I also advised HR that the Receptionist was having a difficult time in her personal life and I didn't think that it was unfair that she be dragged into something that was obviously not about her.
The next day I got in late because of the snow in London and the surrounding areas. There was so much snow that we made a snowman on the driveway! When I got in, HR and the complaint girl were locked in a meeting. I sat down at my desk. Once that meeting was over, HR asked me into a meeting. They did tell me that the Complaint girl had lodged an informal complaint against me and it was company policy to investigate. Well funny that, when I made a complaint of bullying, and racism, I was denied the right to have someone accompany me in the meeting. No formal minutes were taken, no tape recording were taken, and the head of HR did not attend. And I comlpained about someone who has a history of issues, who is already on 2 formal warnings. May I remind you that I was threatened that if I chose not to attend the meeting, I could possibly face a formal warning, and HR did not give me 24 hours notice of the meeting. Also, I explained on many occasions to HR why I physiologically, I was not in the correct frame of mind to revisit these issues. Lucky for me, I had emailed my concerns to HR. Not that they really cared HR informed me that a complaint was made against me for making the complaint girl a scapegoat for the grievances that I had with the Receptionist. She also informed me that she had spoken to the complaint girl and told her that this was not the case and she would like me to come into the meeting to explain this to her.
I questioned HR and asked them what makes them think that she will believe me if she doesn't believe HR. Well, I was met with a wall of silence. I stood my position and told HR that I would not be attending the meeting because I didn't feel that the meeting was about me. HR gently, and politely (for the first time) asked me to come into the meeting to help the complaint girl put closure to this issue. I thought about it briefly and in my mind I thought that regardless of anything, it would be correct for me to go in to the meting if closure is the outcome. I agreed to attend only to hear the complaint girl's issues. I told HR that I would not be coming in for a "he said, she said" session. I would be attending only to listen. I also told HR that I know the complaint girl to be very dominant and because of my fragile state, if she noticed that the meeting was getting out of hand, then she should stop it immediately. She agreed.
The meeting took place between the complaint girl, 2 people from HR, a PA to take the minutes, and myself. HR opened very vaguely by asking the complaint girl to spell out her issues. In hindsight, I should have interrupted her and asked her to state the complaint against me. the complaint girl went on to tell me that I had disrupted her work by trying to call a meeting with her on the previous Friday, and then trying to do it again on the next Monday. She llso began by mentioning that this whole thing stemmed from the meeting that I had had with the secretary.
I did not respond to any of her questions, I chose to just say "ok" when the complaint girl asked for a response. I didn't feel the need or the inclination to respond even though I was burning up inside to disprove half of the things that she was saying.
In the end, I did ask the complaint girl, "What do you want from me?" She then went on to say that the email I sent to everyone apologising for any DISRUPTION (notice how she starts to use my words to try and corner me) that I may have caused was not personal enough for her. She was looking for a public apology. I did tell her that I had already apologised and I am not going to
continue apologising. To me it had become clear that she was just out to prove a point, what point I don't know? We had not yet touched on anything that HR told me the meeting was about. I didn't really care about that, I was just proud of myself that I was not being sucked into her web like it had been the last couple of weeks. I think this was frustrating for her that I wasn't breaking down and answering back.
HR asked me if I thought, "In my Opinion" I had directed any bad feelings towards the complaint girl. Before I could answer, the complaint girl thought that she would repeat what HR said in a different more accusing way. I let her finish what she wanted to say and HR did not attempt to stop her even though the question was directed at me. I told HR that I don't feel that I should answer that question which HR accepted. I had already told HR before this meeting that I don't want to be drawn into any confrontations, which they totally ignored. I have already apologised, and explained the reasons for the way I was feeling on Friday, which HR and the complaint girl are aware of, so why is everyone asking me the same thing over again. Are they trying to catch me out?
Anyway, the complaint girl kept repeating the fact that I had disrupted her work. HR finally intervened and explained to the complaint girl that although she understand her concerns, I did not disrupt the day because I did not call the meeting. It was explained that our Manager had called the meeting hoping that it would sort matters out, so she could not blame that on me. She now claimed that I should have just spoken to her privately and she wouldn't have gone this route. Just a little reminder girlfriend, I have been trying to do this ever since I noticed there was a problem, and all I have got from you is there is nothing wrong. Well, funny that because she said in the meeting that she was upset by what was said about her in the Receptionist meeting with me, and that si why she wasn't talking to me. I really had to hold my tongue because I wanted her to tell everyone what was said, since there was a tape recorder and a PA taking minutes. But I did say I was moving forward, and I meant that, so I thought to myself, just keep quiet. And now, she has admitted that she wasn't talking to me, something that she has been denying!
I told her that I was not interested in this nonsense, I wanted to move forward and get on with my work. I also said that as professionals we should agree to be civil at work. Well guess what, she then echoed everything that I said about being professional. This girl just happens to be 8 years my senior!
I sat emotionless throughout the meeting which I knew was making her blood boil, but she has no idea how hard that was for me. It is probably the most difficult thing that I had gone through in my life. HR agreed that no further action would be taken and adjourned the meeting. We agreed to move forward, hence the offers of making me tea.
Well, she lost this round and as far as I am aware, HR told my Manager to keep an eye on the complaint girl. Whether my Manager told me this just to keep the peace, I don't know! For once she didn't get what she wanted and I came out with a smile! I knew that she would never change her attitude towards me and to be honest, I didn't care. I had come out of this meeting with my head held high and if I could get through this, then I could get through anything!
The next day, she moved her computer screen so that she could not look at me directly and she didn't say a word to me other than hello! All the ladies in the team had noticed the tension in the office and a couple of the guys could feel it too. No one said anything though! I tried to make conversation with her but she was not interested in talking to me.
The Receptionist and the latest person to ignore me organised a lunch at the office and decided not to invite one of my colleagues that I always go out to lunch with and I. Now this colleague used to always go out with these 2 before I arrived and since I have arrived, she has really warmed to me and vice versa. She is really a lovely person and I can relate to her personal problems, I think that is why I am fond of her friendship! Another person invited out for lunch enquired as to why we were not invited and we were all told that it's because when we go out for lunch, we do not invite them! Come on, how many people can you fit inside a 2 seater car?
They used to go out before and they used to use the Receptionists car and when my friendly colleague invited me, I always said no because I did not really want any contact with the Receptionist outside work.
My colleague was very upset about not being invited and she went into the staff room, visibly upset followed closely by the colleague that made a complaint against me. I went in to check on her about 10 minutes later. I was then acused of upsetting my colleague by the one that made to complaint against me because of the division that I had caused between the Receptionist and my colleague. My friendly colleague immediately defended me and explained that it was their behaviour that upset her, nothing else. By the way, they have stopped talking to each other because the Recptionsist was doin really childish things during work like not collecting her post, putting calls through to her that are not really what she deals with, stuff like that. Oh, and of course she is doing all this because she talks to me, not really for any other reason!
So, yes I was upset that the team went out for lunch and thought that it didn't really matter if I was there or not. I suppose that you can then really gauge how wanted you are at this stage. I know it has nothing to do with work, which I was told of by both HR and the Complaint girl, but it was now obvious that I was been routinely subjected to mental abuse by a select few.
They knew I was mentally weak at this point and they played on it perfectly. They had me in check!The colleague that made a complaint against me then took it upon herself to inform HR at a later informal meeting that she walked into the staff room after my colleague and I had been in there consoling my colleague and admitted to causing divisions.
I was advised by HR that if there are any problems, I should take it up with my Manager or contact HR directly using my Manager's mobile phone. I did decide that this attitude was directly because of whatever the Receptionist had told her. I then decided to speak to my Manager and tell him that the tension in the office was not good for us. In his words, "What Tension, I cannot feel it! You are imagining things!". This of course left me stuck. If I cannot approach my Manager when things are not right, who can I approach? At this point, I decided to cut my Manager out of the loop and deal straight with HR.
The complaint girl did her utmost to mentally demean me, and I fell for everything, despite the support I was receiving from friends and family. I suspected everyone was out to get me, even the ones that were trying to protect me.
I decided to give HR a call, and we missed each other for a little while. HR are really busy, difficult to get hold of. On the day that I finally broke down, my Manager asked me in the morning if the complaint girl was still not talking to me because he had noticed that the situation that I had flagged up to him earlier had not improved. His words not mine, he approached me, I didn't approach him! I told him that the situation had not changed.
I then became acutely aware of the fact that she was ignoring me and it suddenly felt like the whole office was against me. I broke down and quickly went into the staff room before I started crying in front of everyone.
I finally did speak to HR and told them that if we work in the same team, then I thought that we should at least at the very least be courteous towards each other. HR told me that they could not force anyone to talk to me. HR sympathised with me because I was extremely upset by this point. HR told me that they would come in a week later despite my Manager recommending that they do it sooner. At this point, it was now affecting his ability to handle the situation and he could not cope either with the distraction.
He then suggested that he call the complaint girl in and we sit down and try and resolve the situation. I told him that I was in no state to deal with a meeting about this now. He then said that it was his opinion that it might settle things. I decided to phone my other half who told me to pass the phone to my manager. I don't know what he said to him, because he won't tell me, but I do know that it upset my Manager. Anyway I finally broke and agreed to this meeting that my Manager called. He went out to talk to the other girl who started ranting and raving at her desk before coming in. She started saying things, which I can't remember. All I do remember is that she was talking down to me and I then told her to stop bullying me and I will not sit here and accept it. Both her and my manager quickly pointed out that it was not bullying. I honestly don't know if it was or not, but what I do know is that we both shouted and she made a point of walking out before I did, even though I got up first to do so! My manager then told me that I should go home because my other half said so! I told him that I was not going home under any terms and that I was a professional, and despite the way I am feeling, I will go to my desk and do my work, which I did!
One of the MDs of the company then asked me into a meeting at the end of the working day and asked me what happened. I told him and he suggested we all sit down the next morning and everyone can say what they wanted. He was very objective and he was very clear that he was not in it to take sides. He did comment to a colleague of mine later that he was extremely angry that the situation had got to the stage it was at. He felt that it should have been dealt with before it got to this stage and also before HR got involvement.
The next morning, the complaint girl refused to attend the meeting saying that she had no issues. I became acutely aware that everyone in the office knew what was going on because my senior colleague had words with this girl while I was in the staff room talking to HR. FYI, after my Manager had noticed that she was giving me a cold shoulder and thought it would be wise to get her to swap desks with someone else. I know he did approach her about it but she obviously refused and he did nothing about it. I cannot be sure about this though, it's just what I think happened.
I decided to apologise if I had caused any problems the day before. I planned to do this in the team meeting the next week but the meeting was postponed. I then sent an email to everyone in the team apologising and pointing out that I was very upset and it was not my intention to cause a disruption.
Everyone was very receptive to that email and the atmosphere in the office immediately changed! The complaint girl emailed me back and said thank you, but we will discuss this later when HR come! What, are HR coming for a meeting with her and I? This is the first time I knew of such a meeting, 2 days before it was meant to happen. Obviously, by me apologising had messed up any plans that she had to attack me. I knew that she had made a complaint against me and then proceeded to email HR and ask if they were still coming in and if we were all meeting. I also set out that I had apologised, including apologising to HR and explaining what happened on Friday. I also set out that I did not think that it was necessary for HR to come over because I am withdrawing any complaints that I am making and I want to try and move forward. I informed HR that I was in no state of mind to be dealing with these issues and I knew that it was just going to turn out to be a situation where she would try and force me into a retaliation.
I did not receive a response from HR until 17:15 that night. HR are aware that I finish work at 17:00. HR emailed me to tell me that there was a meeting to discuss what happened on Friday and, crucially, if we wanted to bring in someone for support, then we should choose someone and let HR know. Funny that! When I made a complaint against someone, HR decided that I do not have the right to bring anyone into the meeting. But when someone else makes a complaint against me, then it's fine for them to choose!
What made it even more laughable is that the complaint girl then emailed HR suggesting that she brings the receptionist in and also my friendly colleague because "this whole thing involves the Receptionist and my firendly colleague apparently was present at almost every exchange!" HR then forwarded me the email and asked me if this is OK with me! Which planet are HR living on? I thought we could choose who we wanted, not given who we wanted. How could HR even suggest this. I didn't reply because I was meeting with our Family solicitor to discuss my options
HR then sent me a letter that I deemed to be threatening where I was made aware that if I did not attend the meeting, I most likely will face a formal disciplinary hearing. They also informed me that they had made me aware of this meeting almost a week before and I should have prepared for it and I should not have any excuses for not attending. FYI: HR had suggested that
they would come in to talk to me. They had not confirmed that there would be a meeting with the complaint girl, and they had giving me approximately 24 hours in advance to prepare for this meeting. KNowing the state of mind I was in, that I constantly had been reminding them of, something that I had complained about from my initial letter to my Manager, I would say that HR are starting to employ bullying tactics. Well, that is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion! I also enquired from HR why they had not entitled me to bring someone for support into the meeting, I am still waiting for a response today!
I decided to consult a good family lawyer who listened to my story and also pointed out issues and the best way to resolve it. He made me aware that Black people of carribean desent living in the UK had campained very hard to have the term "coloured" removed as a description of black people because it has always been used in a discriminatory or negative sense when referring to black people. I would have understood this if the receptionist explained this to me. I don't know if she actually knew what I have just explained, but being of carribean desent, I would think so. He also told me that I was not obliged to attend any informal meetings if I did not feel that up to it.
He explained to me that if I was happy that I had closure of this and would want to move forward, then I do not need to attend any informal meeting that did not involve me.I took his advise and that night I emailed HR when I got home informing them of my decision not to attend any meeting as I had not requested it and didn't feel the need to be part of something that I was not interested in and had put behind me. I also advised HR that the Receptionist was having a difficult time in her personal life and I didn't think that it was unfair that she be dragged into something that was obviously not about her.
The next day I got in late because of the snow in London and the surrounding areas. There was so much snow that we made a snowman on the driveway! When I got in, HR and the complaint girl were locked in a meeting. I sat down at my desk. Once that meeting was over, HR asked me into a meeting. They did tell me that the Complaint girl had lodged an informal complaint against me and it was company policy to investigate. Well funny that, when I made a complaint of bullying, and racism, I was denied the right to have someone accompany me in the meeting. No formal minutes were taken, no tape recording were taken, and the head of HR did not attend. And I comlpained about someone who has a history of issues, who is already on 2 formal warnings. May I remind you that I was threatened that if I chose not to attend the meeting, I could possibly face a formal warning, and HR did not give me 24 hours notice of the meeting. Also, I explained on many occasions to HR why I physiologically, I was not in the correct frame of mind to revisit these issues. Lucky for me, I had emailed my concerns to HR. Not that they really cared HR informed me that a complaint was made against me for making the complaint girl a scapegoat for the grievances that I had with the Receptionist. She also informed me that she had spoken to the complaint girl and told her that this was not the case and she would like me to come into the meeting to explain this to her.
I questioned HR and asked them what makes them think that she will believe me if she doesn't believe HR. Well, I was met with a wall of silence. I stood my position and told HR that I would not be attending the meeting because I didn't feel that the meeting was about me. HR gently, and politely (for the first time) asked me to come into the meeting to help the complaint girl put closure to this issue. I thought about it briefly and in my mind I thought that regardless of anything, it would be correct for me to go in to the meting if closure is the outcome. I agreed to attend only to hear the complaint girl's issues. I told HR that I would not be coming in for a "he said, she said" session. I would be attending only to listen. I also told HR that I know the complaint girl to be very dominant and because of my fragile state, if she noticed that the meeting was getting out of hand, then she should stop it immediately. She agreed.
The meeting took place between the complaint girl, 2 people from HR, a PA to take the minutes, and myself. HR opened very vaguely by asking the complaint girl to spell out her issues. In hindsight, I should have interrupted her and asked her to state the complaint against me. the complaint girl went on to tell me that I had disrupted her work by trying to call a meeting with her on the previous Friday, and then trying to do it again on the next Monday. She llso began by mentioning that this whole thing stemmed from the meeting that I had had with the secretary.
I did not respond to any of her questions, I chose to just say "ok" when the complaint girl asked for a response. I didn't feel the need or the inclination to respond even though I was burning up inside to disprove half of the things that she was saying.
In the end, I did ask the complaint girl, "What do you want from me?" She then went on to say that the email I sent to everyone apologising for any DISRUPTION (notice how she starts to use my words to try and corner me) that I may have caused was not personal enough for her. She was looking for a public apology. I did tell her that I had already apologised and I am not going to
continue apologising. To me it had become clear that she was just out to prove a point, what point I don't know? We had not yet touched on anything that HR told me the meeting was about. I didn't really care about that, I was just proud of myself that I was not being sucked into her web like it had been the last couple of weeks. I think this was frustrating for her that I wasn't breaking down and answering back.
HR asked me if I thought, "In my Opinion" I had directed any bad feelings towards the complaint girl. Before I could answer, the complaint girl thought that she would repeat what HR said in a different more accusing way. I let her finish what she wanted to say and HR did not attempt to stop her even though the question was directed at me. I told HR that I don't feel that I should answer that question which HR accepted. I had already told HR before this meeting that I don't want to be drawn into any confrontations, which they totally ignored. I have already apologised, and explained the reasons for the way I was feeling on Friday, which HR and the complaint girl are aware of, so why is everyone asking me the same thing over again. Are they trying to catch me out?
Anyway, the complaint girl kept repeating the fact that I had disrupted her work. HR finally intervened and explained to the complaint girl that although she understand her concerns, I did not disrupt the day because I did not call the meeting. It was explained that our Manager had called the meeting hoping that it would sort matters out, so she could not blame that on me. She now claimed that I should have just spoken to her privately and she wouldn't have gone this route. Just a little reminder girlfriend, I have been trying to do this ever since I noticed there was a problem, and all I have got from you is there is nothing wrong. Well, funny that because she said in the meeting that she was upset by what was said about her in the Receptionist meeting with me, and that si why she wasn't talking to me. I really had to hold my tongue because I wanted her to tell everyone what was said, since there was a tape recorder and a PA taking minutes. But I did say I was moving forward, and I meant that, so I thought to myself, just keep quiet. And now, she has admitted that she wasn't talking to me, something that she has been denying!
I told her that I was not interested in this nonsense, I wanted to move forward and get on with my work. I also said that as professionals we should agree to be civil at work. Well guess what, she then echoed everything that I said about being professional. This girl just happens to be 8 years my senior!
I sat emotionless throughout the meeting which I knew was making her blood boil, but she has no idea how hard that was for me. It is probably the most difficult thing that I had gone through in my life. HR agreed that no further action would be taken and adjourned the meeting. We agreed to move forward, hence the offers of making me tea.
Well, she lost this round and as far as I am aware, HR told my Manager to keep an eye on the complaint girl. Whether my Manager told me this just to keep the peace, I don't know! For once she didn't get what she wanted and I came out with a smile! I knew that she would never change her attitude towards me and to be honest, I didn't care. I had come out of this meeting with my head held high and if I could get through this, then I could get through anything!
Tuesday 27 February 2007
Straight from the Horses Mouth
I went for an interview yesterday, very busy company, not quite what I do but similar in procedure. The contacted me back today to tell me that they have decided to go with another candidate, and "they will keep my CV on file because they were "impressed with me". Yes, I was also impressed with the fact that they distinctly told me that they would not be expanding anytime soon!
A quick email that I sent to my other half. Basically explains my day!
"hi just had a chat with my Manager and I told him what happened so he defended my senior colleague and said that if that is what he wants then I have to send out he renewals and whatever letters in his name because he is the account executive and i am only the handler to help administer with the paper work etc. So I said ok fine. as long as i know what i have to do and what my duties are. so then he says why don't we have a meeting the 3 of us and we can sit down and my senior colleague can say what he has to say and you can say what you have to say. So I was like no thanks I'd rather not I don't do those type of meetings any more. the last time HR had to come in. So he was like HR are not going to come in. So I was like well I just don't know anymore. I'm not making an issue of it. It is not an issue I just want to know how you want me to do the work and I will do it. I just want to come in and do my work end of. So he was like ok well then I will chat to my senior colleague when I speak to him later and I said that if he wants his name signed or letters typed then he has to give it to the dictation PA because I have too much to do and when I stop my work to do his then my work is affected. And I do not have the time to do his work this afternoon tomorrow maybe but not today."
FYI, my senior colleague hinted that I send out an invalid document to a client to keep them quiet while he sorts out his mistakes. I refused!
A quick email that I sent to my other half. Basically explains my day!
"hi just had a chat with my Manager and I told him what happened so he defended my senior colleague and said that if that is what he wants then I have to send out he renewals and whatever letters in his name because he is the account executive and i am only the handler to help administer with the paper work etc. So I said ok fine. as long as i know what i have to do and what my duties are. so then he says why don't we have a meeting the 3 of us and we can sit down and my senior colleague can say what he has to say and you can say what you have to say. So I was like no thanks I'd rather not I don't do those type of meetings any more. the last time HR had to come in. So he was like HR are not going to come in. So I was like well I just don't know anymore. I'm not making an issue of it. It is not an issue I just want to know how you want me to do the work and I will do it. I just want to come in and do my work end of. So he was like ok well then I will chat to my senior colleague when I speak to him later and I said that if he wants his name signed or letters typed then he has to give it to the dictation PA because I have too much to do and when I stop my work to do his then my work is affected. And I do not have the time to do his work this afternoon tomorrow maybe but not today."
FYI, my senior colleague hinted that I send out an invalid document to a client to keep them quiet while he sorts out his mistakes. I refused!
Monday 26 February 2007
Today was a good day!
Well, I have started looking for another job, a real shame as I erally like working here. Not only is it convenient, I have some really good friends that I have made in the short period that I have been here!
I don't feel that I will get anywhere in this position because this is a male dominated field, and I also don't really have the character or the determination to continue fighting for the right to be treated like everyone else. If I wanted to be discriminated against, I would not have left Africa!
I sometimes think that I cause my own problems. As I usually do when there are not too many people in the office, I offer everyone a cup of tea. In this instance, 3 people were in the office and I offered a cup to the complaint girl, and another colleague in my team. The other colleague declined and the complaint girl just ignored me completely. There is no way that she did not hear what I said! Luck was on my side, one of the directors was standing right in front of her desk. He looked at me with a bewildered look on my face and I knew he was quite upset with her behaviour. I looked at him in shock that she would actually stoop to these levels in front of a senior boss. As I turned around to walk away, she suddenly looked at me and said, "sorry, are you talking to me?"Yea right, I believe you didn't hear me. This process repeated itself twice today when I spoke to her when she pretended she didn't hear me. I am not a rude person, but this girl will turn me into the ignorant person that she is if she is not careful!
My colleague who sits next to me went out for another extended lunch. When there was 15 minutes left of the working day, he went onto the web, as he does everyday. I have my personal email opened most of the day but I don't spend my entire time looking at it. So I asked him jokingly if he had any work to do. He was offended that I asked and snapped back, I don't have my email opened the whole day and he then proceded to re-adjust his web browser to the size I have it when I open it. He then commented that he was watching me. Such a relief to know I'm feeling like the odd person out and being watched by everyone.
Anyway, the weekend beckons and anywhere is better than here.
FYI. Did you know that most people resign within 6 weeks of a grevience meeting?
I don't feel that I will get anywhere in this position because this is a male dominated field, and I also don't really have the character or the determination to continue fighting for the right to be treated like everyone else. If I wanted to be discriminated against, I would not have left Africa!
I sometimes think that I cause my own problems. As I usually do when there are not too many people in the office, I offer everyone a cup of tea. In this instance, 3 people were in the office and I offered a cup to the complaint girl, and another colleague in my team. The other colleague declined and the complaint girl just ignored me completely. There is no way that she did not hear what I said! Luck was on my side, one of the directors was standing right in front of her desk. He looked at me with a bewildered look on my face and I knew he was quite upset with her behaviour. I looked at him in shock that she would actually stoop to these levels in front of a senior boss. As I turned around to walk away, she suddenly looked at me and said, "sorry, are you talking to me?"Yea right, I believe you didn't hear me. This process repeated itself twice today when I spoke to her when she pretended she didn't hear me. I am not a rude person, but this girl will turn me into the ignorant person that she is if she is not careful!
My colleague who sits next to me went out for another extended lunch. When there was 15 minutes left of the working day, he went onto the web, as he does everyday. I have my personal email opened most of the day but I don't spend my entire time looking at it. So I asked him jokingly if he had any work to do. He was offended that I asked and snapped back, I don't have my email opened the whole day and he then proceded to re-adjust his web browser to the size I have it when I open it. He then commented that he was watching me. Such a relief to know I'm feeling like the odd person out and being watched by everyone.
Anyway, the weekend beckons and anywhere is better than here.
FYI. Did you know that most people resign within 6 weeks of a grevience meeting?
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