It's Friday!

So one of the Ladies has invited, almost everyone out to lunch in the City. As usual, something which I now except, I was not invited and did not know about it. 2 colleagues on my team have kept very quiet about it and yesterday suddenly got up and announced that they were off. My Manager then asked them where they were going to? They told him that they are going to lunch in the city. Although he let them go, he wasn't at all pleased because no one bothered to tell him what was going on. So I suppose they had a 3-4 hour lunch, which was fine, if I have a lunch that is 10 minutes over, I get called up and spoken to about it. Makes me sick!

My Senior colleague has been away for the past 2 weeks on leave, and I have done all the work myself. My Manager was impressed with this and I think he know realises what I do because we have not had 1 hiccup since my senior colleague has been away. My manager told me that I am doing a "Superb" job. I really feel bad because I have been offered a job from one company and have 2 interviews today. And I will definitely be taking 1 of the 3 jobs, this I know!

I didn't have the opportunity to tell you that I have decided not to pursue the Microsoft course been offered for free by my company. HR came in on Wednesday to distribute an application form for the course, which asks for ethnicity, if you have children, age, driver's license or passport details, and a whole lot of personal questions. This is the point that I realised that HR are getting this course for free, because I know of a similar scheme that was being run at my other half's company, paid for by the EEC. Cheap skates! S

o I told HR that I would not be doing the course because of the questions that they were asking. They didn't even bother to encourage me to do it (because they are not paying for it), they just said OK and left it at that! It reminds of the time when I asked my manager about doing exams, he asked me "Why do I want to do these exams?". What a forward thinking company!

The Theatre

Well what can I say. the topic this morning was theatre tickets so the Receptionist reckons that they should organise a work thing to go to watch a couple of shows because once you book more then 10 tickets it becomes cheaper. She feels that it doesn't matter if you don't sit next to each other.

A male work colleague said "Well I wouldn't want to sit next to you.!". So she turns round and says and "I'm sure you are not the only one". I second that! So the complaint girl asked "So you would book and pay and we would give you our money?". So she turns round and says, "Oh no I'm not that trusting anymore! I want money upfront now, not going to make myself out of pocket!".

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Let me think now! Do you think that was directed at me? I do sit next to the work colleague that didn't want to sit next to her, and I am in clear ear shot of where she was standing. Even if she dropped a pin I would hear it.

"No never! The Receptionist is not like that!" she would never have directed that at me. WHATEVER! Get a life sweetie your 30 going on 6!

Monday Continued.........

So the Receptionist has approached my boss and told him that I owe her £1 because she had to pay for my bit of the donation. My boss has in turn approached me and asked me to pay her. I find this totally offensive as he did not even bother to ask me my side of the story, he has decided to take her side as gospel truth!

I told him that there was no way that I was going to pay £1 as I did not participate in any games, nor did I agree to give any money to anyone for any reason. So as it seems, I am being forced into giving money to charity. I don't know if this the policy of the Read Nose Day campaign, or the policy of our company. I told the Receptionist that I had donated my £1 directly to the charity, and my manager has informed me that the Receptionist is the nominated "Charity Co-ordinator" for my office, so all charity money needs to go through her. Well, that means that I will not be donating any money to charity through the company. Another work colleague is organising a charity walk, which the Receptionist is not attending, does this mean that any money raised should be handled by the "Charity Co-ordinator", who is not attending? Or does this rule apply to me only?

I won't tolerate anyone's rubbish so I walked away from my boss while he was still talking and he shouted after me that I shouldn't make an issue out of this, because it is not an issue. I still can't believe that he called me to his desk to discuss £1. If my Manager was so concerned about the £1, he should have pulled it out of his wallet, and given to charity.

I promised myself that I would not allow her into my space and she somehow has managed to get in there, and also infuriate me. I have to get out of this place! She will try any tactic to upset me or have a different opinion to me.

Some Problem, Different Approach

Last week Friday was Red Nose Day. For those of you that are unaware of Red Nose Day, it's the day that funds are raised, for Charity, to help children in the UK and Africa. They operate various schemes to get individuals, groups and businesses involved in donating money. Because the UK is a very much a "lottery" nation, they have employed similar tactics when designing these games. There is nothing wrong with that at all!

So our Receptionist has taken on the role to get promotional material for an office game. The basic idea is that you donate some money and some goes to charity while some goes into a sort of lottery draw with an eventual winner in the office. This game is run as a voluntary thing and if you join in, then you can win something while donating to charity.

Not to level criticism at Red Nose Day, because I think that if anything, they are raising awareness of the issues affecting poor African children, I have never known of anyone benefiting from money raised in the poorest and troubled African Countries! Red Nose does a lot of PR work showing their work in stable, democratic African Nations, the same ones that receive loads of grants from the World Bank, EEC, and various 1st world countries to do what Red Nose raises money for.

Anyway, I did not participate in the game because I am from Africa, and I know most aid and charity in Africa is abused by Government officials. I actually support Marie Curie Cancer Care who do a sterling job of looking after terminal ill Cancer patients in the UK, something that the NHS neglect! I had the Receptionist come up to me and demand that I pay £1 for Red Nose day. I refused to do so because I did not join in any games, and I can give my money to whoever I like. I hope that these Red Nose Day people are not encouraging their contact people in these businesses to force money out of people!

It's now Monday and the demands have changed. I have to give my £1 to the girl that won the competition, because she must take her share for winning the competition. There is no way in hell that I am going to give money to someone. I can donate to charity, but I am not donating to someone else. This is now bordering on madness if the Receptionist thinks that I am going to play this game with her. Anyway, she has sent out an email telling everyone how much was raised, and adding a note at the bottom of the email that I owe money. I am not going to even get involved in this nonsense, I will just ignore it! I passed her desk and she asked me for my money, AGAIN! I told her that I donated directly to the charity and she said "oh?"

A colleague of mine said don't even fight about it, just give her the money otherwise she will just go on and on about it. I refuse because I will not be spoken to like a child and I did not participate in any Red Nose Charity events, because it's not a requirement. The people at work already think badly of me so it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks to be perfectly honest. They can call me what ever they want! The Receptionist and the Complaint Girl have already blackened my name, and HR have done nothing about it!

On the plus side, I started saying a Novena that I found starring at me in Church last week. IT was a Novena to St. Jude to pray for me. I had to try the Novena because St. Jude was the Saint I used when I got confirmed as a Catholic when I was a teenager. Prayer is very powerful to all of you who are not sure if God exists at all! Try praying, it really does work. I have since attended a job interview on Friday and have been offered the position before I left the interview, a bit of a result if you ask me! I have a few more potential interviews lined up which I hope will resolve my work life issues.

Change Will Never Come

Well nothing will ever change in this office. I went to make a cup of tea this morning and I asked openly in the office, so everyone could hear, for one of the men to change the water bottle for me in the cooler. You see, we use the water from the cooler to fill the kettle, it prevents the excess build up of limescale. Before I asked one of the men to help, I did ask everyone of they wanted a cup of tea or coffee. The complaint girl declined a drink. She then proceeded to shout across the room to the man putting a new water bottle in the cooler to put the kettle on. Wait a minute, did she not understand me? So I went and asked again if anyone would like a cup. She declined a second time. So I made tea for those who wanted and as soon as I left the kitchen, she shuffled in and made herself a cup of tea. How childish? She is really been silly, and she is deliberately excluding me from anything that happens in the office and outside the office.

The Receptionist has not been collecting my post since the last time that I told you about it. I really cannot be bothered. I know that if I complain, she is going to give some stupid excuse and try and blame me for it Or she will say it’s not my job to collect post, well I know that it’s not her job to collect my post, because I am the only one that she doesn’t collect from. So you know what, I will just leave the post and see if that then creates a problem! It definitely won’t be my problem.

And last week Friday, there was a problem where a client was paying for a service that he did not have for 2 years. My senior colleague invited our new team member to discuss it with the Manager so he is aware how to deal with these situations. I was not invited to this discussion, even though I am the next in line if my Senior Colleague is not in the office. I by chance went to collect a something that I had sent to the printer, and my Senior Colleague then calls me over and says, “if you want to hear this then come over!” Thanks, I fell really appreciated now! It feels almost as if they are waiting for me to resign and get out. They will never discuss any problems I have with the complaint girl because she works in a division of the company that makes the biggest profit in our department, and she has been doing it for a couple of years. The Receptionist has been in trouble before and she has gotten out of the mess many times before, so that is a no-brainer. HR has failed to improve my wellbeing and act like they don’t care. I initially told them how these issues were affecting my health. So what do they do, armed with the information that I gave them (me being truthful, how stupid!), they warm me that if I take any days of sick I will have to take them as unpaid. How compassionate? I suppose rules are rules!
On the plus side, My Manager told me that he is really glad that I work for him and he wouldn’t know what he would do without me! How sweet of him, and I know he meant what he said! Also, the only person I can turn to in the office is back from holiday, so that has put a smile on my face this morning! Let’s hope that everyone else’s attitude changes too! I’m tired of trying to be myself because I just get it thrown back in my face. I am at a loss as to how I can go forward in this office without someone trying to pull me back.

Sunshine, you are my sunshine!

Glorious Monday, the Sun is out, the birds are chirping away and everyone has a smile on their face. When you grow up in Africa, you take for granted what nature offers you. There is the climbing of trees, eating fresh fruit that is just ripe off the fruit trees. I remember making good use of both ripe and raw fruit. Raw mangoes make sure that any constipation that you may be experiencing will be a thing of the past. When dipped in a mixture of vinegar, salt and chilli powder, you get the most intense sharp and sour taste that you can never re-create in any cooking style.

And you learn so many other things about fruit. You know that fruit is ready by holding it and twisting gently. If it comes off the tree, it is ripe, and 99% of the time, is sweet. If it doesn't come off, just leave it and try again tomorrow! My favourite was to break a branch off a lychee tree that was full of Lychees. We would then sit on the pavements on the side of the road and indulge in the most fantastic meal ever. Oh, yes and my favourites, black, big, juicy mulberries. The best time to eat these was straight after it had finished rain. The rain cleans them and you just pick them off the tree and munch away. Yes, you hands get the most difficult to remove purple stains and your mouth provides the evidence that you have been eating mulberries. Yes, the amount of times my bum has been warmed up for eating "dirty fruit" was all well worth the few moments of pleasure!

And if the sun can do all this to fruit, imagine the goodness that it will do to your skin? I hope everyone reading this takes my advise, get as much sun as possible. Not only does it improve the condition of your skin, it must also produce some type of "good feeling" chemicals in your body, because I cannot remember every feeling depressed or down whilst living in Africa. And I had less in Africa than I have now!

I love the warm weather, and I think the warm weather loves me!

Don't forget, the lighter your skin colour, the more careful you need to be about prolonged exposure to the sun. Don't use that sun block cream, just allow you skin to darken up naturally by slowly exposing it to the sun. I believe in the most natural ways of living, like relying on good old fashion things like vitamin E oil to help keep you looking younger. You can't use vitamin E for a year and expect results, but if you use it on you face and neck your whole life, I will personally guarantee that you will look younger than you should. If you see my mother, you will not believe that she is old enough to be my mother!

I was just reading and watching the news about the problems in my home country. It makes me desperately upset that the people I am from are suffering. There is nothing I can do because of my commitments, but if I could satisfy my commitments and try and help my people, I would! I am one of the many people that took the easy way out and left the country to live abroad where life is good and the basic living standards are above average. That is why I take my hat of to people that both through choice and "do or die" attitude have not given up trying to bring about a change in my home country. These people are the real "freedom fighters". They are fighting for freedom from discrimination and slavery of a system that is designed to break you if your views are not the same as those in power. Democracy was brought to Africa, and although the system should form some part of society, I believe that uniting cultural law into society will benefit the nation as a whole. We cannot discard centuries of history for democracy, we can join them for a law that works for the people, something that the people already understand and live by!


Zimbabwe will always be in my heart, and one day, I will take my children to see the greatness of the people and the land!

I saw something funny the other day that paid tribute to a black sportsman that was trying to inspire kids from the deprived area he grew up in himself. I laughed to myself and really thought that this is just promoting the idea of racial division, and incites racism too, because the area is a known area that ethnic minorities live in London. His PR people obviously are towing the official "we are giving back to the community" line, probably just in time for the launch of his new sportswear range! They should be promoting the fact that he is an extraordinary athlete and not that he is black. Through my experiences with both white and black people that have not had the first hand opportunity to experience racism, I think this concept is difficult to understand! Everyone tries to redress the black/white imbalance rather than promoting achievements regardless of colour. So what if more white people achieve more than any other race. That should be enough incentive for other races to pull their thumbs out and beat them at their own game!

Please Help!

I have not really had the opportunity to air my views, but today is really, I could not have not logged on to do so!

I have had my Senior Colleague checking everything I do! I mean everything. He comments when I have 2 spaces in between words and is actually checking the amount of work I do. He makes as if I have nothing to do. I don't know if he is just in a mood and something outside work is bothering him, or the big mistakes that he has made in the last few days have finally caught up with him and if he makes another mistake, his head will be on the block. Yesterday, I even said to him, "Would you like me to walk out and walk back in and maybe we can start the day afresh!". He was swearing, f'ing and blinding, I even had to remind him where he was. He did however apologise, but I know he didn't mean it!

He then asked me to do a quote yesterday which I did, and he asked someone else to convert the quote into a sale, without telling me why. The lady who asked for the quote knows me well so she always asks for me. But this time, she didn't ask for me, she asked for the guy who was converting the quote into a sale, so someone told her to contact him because she wouldn't know that is what he does. So I do all the hard work and someone else takes the glory for it, nice!

It's starting to get really difficult to ignore all the things that are going on in the office that seem to be about me. I have just found out that in my team, I am the only person that has not been invited into the lottery syndicate. I didn't know whether I had to ask to be invited into it, but I do know for a fact that 2 people were invited.

I also laughed when I realised that someone that has just finished their probation, has sided with the Receptionist and went to lunch with them today. Well, I can't complain, I cannot force anyone to hang around with anyone. This same person, and the Complaint girl have started to dress like me, sleeveless jersey over a plain coloured top. Well, at least I have become a fashion icon!

This afternoon, the person who sits next to me in the office left the office early after working in his lunch hour, and guess what? He didn't have to make a record of it in the office diary, but I do!

I had asked for the company to do my examinations which they have told me they will not pay for the extra course material that I require, so I have decided to do the course with my own money! At least they had the decency to email me and confirm this, although they only did after I requested they do!

And last but not least, they have removed my access to my Senior Colleague's email. They have not given me a reason why, but have taken it away. To me it seems that they are reducing my responsibilities slowly but surely. I think I should start making a record of the work I do everyday so they cannot try and get rid of me by saying there is no work.

Anyway, I am still looking for another job and I really have decided that no matter what, I will not be here come May!

If you have been reading my blog, you might be able to comment on this! As you know I complained about some abuse towards me. HR subsequently came in and tried to deal with the matter. They didn't and the abuse got worse as it now mutated into something else and someone else got involved. HR did not protect me. Don't they have a case to answer?

I was then accused of disrupting someone's working day which HR proved to be incorrect. My working day was disrupted by this meeting, which was officially called by the person who made the complaint, can I make a complaint?

Any comments will be most welcome!

Friday, Thank Goodness It's Friday!

Friday could not go fast enough. The usual happened, the guys went out to lunch for 1 1/2 hours and no one said anything about it, strange that I did it once and got pulled up. The week has really flew bye and I could not believe that it was Friday when I woke up!

The weather is really playing tricks on everyone, you don't know if it is going to be cold, hot, raining? Everyone is blaming the amount of Carbon Dioxide that we put into the atmosphere. I really do think that the leaders of the world have all stood at the sidelines and watched from a distance. No leader is going to be popular if there force legislation that will reduce the amount of pollution that any industry produces. So who do they tax to death, you and I! I suppose it's my fault that I drive a petrol engine car, that produces more Carbon Dioxide in one journey then a human does in a day! Not the manufacturer, never, they are the angels, and are providing choice! But it's easy to hammer the taxpayer, they don't have expensive lawyers like the petrol companies do! In a couple of years, the tax will be scrapped because a judge will deem it to be unfair, then they will call it the renewal of the environment tax. Nothing about how the government is fighting a war that most of the country don't agree with?

The people who print money have spent more money than they can print? I'm definitely in the wrong business! You just try going overdrawn by £1 and see what happens! You see, I think the government have a cunning idea to use God's model of believing! You don't have to see me to believe in me. So, I nee £10 billion, just write a cheque and we can sort it out later, once we collect the money from the green taxes! I can see why plastic has become so important to banks! They can lend you money that you can't see, and charge you interest on it. Credit Card, the best way to disable a person's freedom. We will give you more than you can handle, then tell you to pay it regardless of whether or not you can afford to!

Anyway, I do moan a lot don't I? well that's why you should listen! You will learn how not to be an upstanding member of society because it benefits no one!

I recently asked HR to pay for some examinations that I want to write. They have told me to look at the examinations and choose which ones I want to do. I gave them the name of the examinations, which is the next step from the exam I last took. They have now got back to me and told me that they will pay only for the bare minimum. I asked for some support material, which I found very useful when I did my last exam, and was probably 40% of the reason that I passed so easily. But they have insisted that they will not be paying for it, and if I want to get the other bits and pieces, I should request it in writing to the HR Manager, who is the same person who has been handling my HR meetings. FYI, the total cost of the exam with the extra material I would have liked, is around £100 more than without. For their £100 I have access to a dedicated tutor who will improve my weaknesses and help me prepare for the examination. I also get study guides that cover all the possible questions in the examination. Not only that, if I fail, I will automatically have the option to re-sit the examination without any extra cost.

I have decided that I will just pay for the examination myself, it is really not worth my while getting them to pay for something that reduces my chances of success.

On a Thursday afternoon!

I didn't really have much to say yesterday! I had to leave early and asked my Manager if I could work through my lunch hour which he agreed to. My senior colleague insisted that I come to lunch with them so I went for a short while and actually had a good time.

Today has been busy and I think after my little talk to my Manager, my senior colleague has realised that he is not pulling his weight in the office and is trying to make amends, which is good news for me! Because now I can start concentrating on my work rather than making sure he has done his work.

My other half told me off last night about my attitude and told me that if my work was affecting me so much, then I need to decide whether I want the relationship or the job. I don't think that he understands that I am just not emotionally where I need to be at the moment and it will take sometime before I get there. I'm not like him who is good at confronting problems and just letting them pass over his head as and when he needs to.

I had a couple of head hunters call me today, but nothing concrete. They all start with the same line and finish with no job.

A colleague of mine that seemed to sympathise with me regarding the whole informal meeting that I had with HR has just gone to lunch with the complaint girl! I was waiting for it though, because I told her that she will need to pay for the part she broke while trying to jump start her car! I hope they enjoy their lunch anyway!

I have started helping at my local church mainly because I need to find my spiritual side, but also just to get involved with the church community which I was heavily involved in as a teenager. I think that the calm religious nature of our parish will help me to get some relaxation away from my normal life.

It's only early afternoon, I have loads of work to do, so I will continue and the time will go faster, hopefully!

The "Is It Bullying?" Part.......Part 2

The next day, this colleague that was "supposedy" the highlight of our meeting was sitting very terse at her desk when I came in. I greeted her and she greeted me back with a one line response. Now I sit opposite from her and we talk quite alot about our kids. Today, the atmosphere in the office was as if someone had died. She spent the day in and out of meetings with various people and at one point went into the MDs office and closed the door. Another colleague asked what was wrong and she told her that it was something that she wouldn't discuss with her. She did look like she had been crying and she eventually left work early. At this point, she was not talking to the receptionist, who is someone that I believe she would lay her life down for if given the choice.

The next day, she moved her computer screen so that she could not look at me directly and she didn't say a word to me other than hello! All the ladies in the team had noticed the tension in the office and a couple of the guys could feel it too. No one said anything though! I tried to make conversation with her but she was not interested in talking to me.

The Receptionist and the latest person to ignore me organised a lunch at the office and decided not to invite one of my colleagues that I always go out to lunch with and I. Now this colleague used to always go out with these 2 before I arrived and since I have arrived, she has really warmed to me and vice versa. She is really a lovely person and I can relate to her personal problems, I think that is why I am fond of her friendship! Another person invited out for lunch enquired as to why we were not invited and we were all told that it's because when we go out for lunch, we do not invite them! Come on, how many people can you fit inside a 2 seater car?

They used to go out before and they used to use the Receptionists car and when my friendly colleague invited me, I always said no because I did not really want any contact with the Receptionist outside work.

My colleague was very upset about not being invited and she went into the staff room, visibly upset followed closely by the colleague that made a complaint against me. I went in to check on her about 10 minutes later. I was then acused of upsetting my colleague by the one that made to complaint against me because of the division that I had caused between the Receptionist and my colleague. My friendly colleague immediately defended me and explained that it was their behaviour that upset her, nothing else. By the way, they have stopped talking to each other because the Recptionsist was doin really childish things during work like not collecting her post, putting calls through to her that are not really what she deals with, stuff like that. Oh, and of course she is doing all this because she talks to me, not really for any other reason!

So, yes I was upset that the team went out for lunch and thought that it didn't really matter if I was there or not. I suppose that you can then really gauge how wanted you are at this stage. I know it has nothing to do with work, which I was told of by both HR and the Complaint girl, but it was now obvious that I was been routinely subjected to mental abuse by a select few.

They knew I was mentally weak at this point and they played on it perfectly. They had me in check!The colleague that made a complaint against me then took it upon herself to inform HR at a later informal meeting that she walked into the staff room after my colleague and I had been in there consoling my colleague and admitted to causing divisions.

I was advised by HR that if there are any problems, I should take it up with my Manager or contact HR directly using my Manager's mobile phone. I did decide that this attitude was directly because of whatever the Receptionist had told her. I then decided to speak to my Manager and tell him that the tension in the office was not good for us. In his words, "What Tension, I cannot feel it! You are imagining things!". This of course left me stuck. If I cannot approach my Manager when things are not right, who can I approach? At this point, I decided to cut my Manager out of the loop and deal straight with HR.

The complaint girl did her utmost to mentally demean me, and I fell for everything, despite the support I was receiving from friends and family. I suspected everyone was out to get me, even the ones that were trying to protect me.

I decided to give HR a call, and we missed each other for a little while. HR are really busy, difficult to get hold of. On the day that I finally broke down, my Manager asked me in the morning if the complaint girl was still not talking to me because he had noticed that the situation that I had flagged up to him earlier had not improved. His words not mine, he approached me, I didn't approach him! I told him that the situation had not changed.

I then became acutely aware of the fact that she was ignoring me and it suddenly felt like the whole office was against me. I broke down and quickly went into the staff room before I started crying in front of everyone.

I finally did speak to HR and told them that if we work in the same team, then I thought that we should at least at the very least be courteous towards each other. HR told me that they could not force anyone to talk to me. HR sympathised with me because I was extremely upset by this point. HR told me that they would come in a week later despite my Manager recommending that they do it sooner. At this point, it was now affecting his ability to handle the situation and he could not cope either with the distraction.

He then suggested that he call the complaint girl in and we sit down and try and resolve the situation. I told him that I was in no state to deal with a meeting about this now. He then said that it was his opinion that it might settle things. I decided to phone my other half who told me to pass the phone to my manager. I don't know what he said to him, because he won't tell me, but I do know that it upset my Manager. Anyway I finally broke and agreed to this meeting that my Manager called. He went out to talk to the other girl who started ranting and raving at her desk before coming in. She started saying things, which I can't remember. All I do remember is that she was talking down to me and I then told her to stop bullying me and I will not sit here and accept it. Both her and my manager quickly pointed out that it was not bullying. I honestly don't know if it was or not, but what I do know is that we both shouted and she made a point of walking out before I did, even though I got up first to do so! My manager then told me that I should go home because my other half said so! I told him that I was not going home under any terms and that I was a professional, and despite the way I am feeling, I will go to my desk and do my work, which I did!

One of the MDs of the company then asked me into a meeting at the end of the working day and asked me what happened. I told him and he suggested we all sit down the next morning and everyone can say what they wanted. He was very objective and he was very clear that he was not in it to take sides. He did comment to a colleague of mine later that he was extremely angry that the situation had got to the stage it was at. He felt that it should have been dealt with before it got to this stage and also before HR got involvement.

The next morning, the complaint girl refused to attend the meeting saying that she had no issues. I became acutely aware that everyone in the office knew what was going on because my senior colleague had words with this girl while I was in the staff room talking to HR. FYI, after my Manager had noticed that she was giving me a cold shoulder and thought it would be wise to get her to swap desks with someone else. I know he did approach her about it but she obviously refused and he did nothing about it. I cannot be sure about this though, it's just what I think happened.

I decided to apologise if I had caused any problems the day before. I planned to do this in the team meeting the next week but the meeting was postponed. I then sent an email to everyone in the team apologising and pointing out that I was very upset and it was not my intention to cause a disruption.

Everyone was very receptive to that email and the atmosphere in the office immediately changed! The complaint girl emailed me back and said thank you, but we will discuss this later when HR come! What, are HR coming for a meeting with her and I? This is the first time I knew of such a meeting, 2 days before it was meant to happen. Obviously, by me apologising had messed up any plans that she had to attack me. I knew that she had made a complaint against me and then proceeded to email HR and ask if they were still coming in and if we were all meeting. I also set out that I had apologised, including apologising to HR and explaining what happened on Friday. I also set out that I did not think that it was necessary for HR to come over because I am withdrawing any complaints that I am making and I want to try and move forward. I informed HR that I was in no state of mind to be dealing with these issues and I knew that it was just going to turn out to be a situation where she would try and force me into a retaliation.

I did not receive a response from HR until 17:15 that night. HR are aware that I finish work at 17:00. HR emailed me to tell me that there was a meeting to discuss what happened on Friday and, crucially, if we wanted to bring in someone for support, then we should choose someone and let HR know. Funny that! When I made a complaint against someone, HR decided that I do not have the right to bring anyone into the meeting. But when someone else makes a complaint against me, then it's fine for them to choose!

What made it even more laughable is that the complaint girl then emailed HR suggesting that she brings the receptionist in and also my friendly colleague because "this whole thing involves the Receptionist and my firendly colleague apparently was present at almost every exchange!" HR then forwarded me the email and asked me if this is OK with me! Which planet are HR living on? I thought we could choose who we wanted, not given who we wanted. How could HR even suggest this. I didn't reply because I was meeting with our Family solicitor to discuss my options

HR then sent me a letter that I deemed to be threatening where I was made aware that if I did not attend the meeting, I most likely will face a formal disciplinary hearing. They also informed me that they had made me aware of this meeting almost a week before and I should have prepared for it and I should not have any excuses for not attending. FYI: HR had suggested that
they would come in to talk to me. They had not confirmed that there would be a meeting with the complaint girl, and they had giving me approximately 24 hours in advance to prepare for this meeting. KNowing the state of mind I was in, that I constantly had been reminding them of, something that I had complained about from my initial letter to my Manager, I would say that HR are starting to employ bullying tactics. Well, that is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion! I also enquired from HR why they had not entitled me to bring someone for support into the meeting, I am still waiting for a response today!

I decided to consult a good family lawyer who listened to my story and also pointed out issues and the best way to resolve it. He made me aware that Black people of carribean desent living in the UK had campained very hard to have the term "coloured" removed as a description of black people because it has always been used in a discriminatory or negative sense when referring to black people. I would have understood this if the receptionist explained this to me. I don't know if she actually knew what I have just explained, but being of carribean desent, I would think so. He also told me that I was not obliged to attend any informal meetings if I did not feel that up to it.

He explained to me that if I was happy that I had closure of this and would want to move forward, then I do not need to attend any informal meeting that did not involve me.I took his advise and that night I emailed HR when I got home informing them of my decision not to attend any meeting as I had not requested it and didn't feel the need to be part of something that I was not interested in and had put behind me. I also advised HR that the Receptionist was having a difficult time in her personal life and I didn't think that it was unfair that she be dragged into something that was obviously not about her.

The next day I got in late because of the snow in London and the surrounding areas. There was so much snow that we made a snowman on the driveway! When I got in, HR and the complaint girl were locked in a meeting. I sat down at my desk. Once that meeting was over, HR asked me into a meeting. They did tell me that the Complaint girl had lodged an informal complaint against me and it was company policy to investigate. Well funny that, when I made a complaint of bullying, and racism, I was denied the right to have someone accompany me in the meeting. No formal minutes were taken, no tape recording were taken, and the head of HR did not attend. And I comlpained about someone who has a history of issues, who is already on 2 formal warnings. May I remind you that I was threatened that if I chose not to attend the meeting, I could possibly face a formal warning, and HR did not give me 24 hours notice of the meeting. Also, I explained on many occasions to HR why I physiologically, I was not in the correct frame of mind to revisit these issues. Lucky for me, I had emailed my concerns to HR. Not that they really cared HR informed me that a complaint was made against me for making the complaint girl a scapegoat for the grievances that I had with the Receptionist. She also informed me that she had spoken to the complaint girl and told her that this was not the case and she would like me to come into the meeting to explain this to her.

I questioned HR and asked them what makes them think that she will believe me if she doesn't believe HR. Well, I was met with a wall of silence. I stood my position and told HR that I would not be attending the meeting because I didn't feel that the meeting was about me. HR gently, and politely (for the first time) asked me to come into the meeting to help the complaint girl put closure to this issue. I thought about it briefly and in my mind I thought that regardless of anything, it would be correct for me to go in to the meting if closure is the outcome. I agreed to attend only to hear the complaint girl's issues. I told HR that I would not be coming in for a "he said, she said" session. I would be attending only to listen. I also told HR that I know the complaint girl to be very dominant and because of my fragile state, if she noticed that the meeting was getting out of hand, then she should stop it immediately. She agreed.

The meeting took place between the complaint girl, 2 people from HR, a PA to take the minutes, and myself. HR opened very vaguely by asking the complaint girl to spell out her issues. In hindsight, I should have interrupted her and asked her to state the complaint against me. the complaint girl went on to tell me that I had disrupted her work by trying to call a meeting with her on the previous Friday, and then trying to do it again on the next Monday. She llso began by mentioning that this whole thing stemmed from the meeting that I had had with the secretary.

I did not respond to any of her questions, I chose to just say "ok" when the complaint girl asked for a response. I didn't feel the need or the inclination to respond even though I was burning up inside to disprove half of the things that she was saying.

In the end, I did ask the complaint girl, "What do you want from me?" She then went on to say that the email I sent to everyone apologising for any DISRUPTION (notice how she starts to use my words to try and corner me) that I may have caused was not personal enough for her. She was looking for a public apology. I did tell her that I had already apologised and I am not going to
continue apologising. To me it had become clear that she was just out to prove a point, what point I don't know? We had not yet touched on anything that HR told me the meeting was about. I didn't really care about that, I was just proud of myself that I was not being sucked into her web like it had been the last couple of weeks. I think this was frustrating for her that I wasn't breaking down and answering back.

HR asked me if I thought, "In my Opinion" I had directed any bad feelings towards the complaint girl. Before I could answer, the complaint girl thought that she would repeat what HR said in a different more accusing way. I let her finish what she wanted to say and HR did not attempt to stop her even though the question was directed at me. I told HR that I don't feel that I should answer that question which HR accepted. I had already told HR before this meeting that I don't want to be drawn into any confrontations, which they totally ignored. I have already apologised, and explained the reasons for the way I was feeling on Friday, which HR and the complaint girl are aware of, so why is everyone asking me the same thing over again. Are they trying to catch me out?

Anyway, the complaint girl kept repeating the fact that I had disrupted her work. HR finally intervened and explained to the complaint girl that although she understand her concerns, I did not disrupt the day because I did not call the meeting. It was explained that our Manager had called the meeting hoping that it would sort matters out, so she could not blame that on me. She now claimed that I should have just spoken to her privately and she wouldn't have gone this route. Just a little reminder girlfriend, I have been trying to do this ever since I noticed there was a problem, and all I have got from you is there is nothing wrong. Well, funny that because she said in the meeting that she was upset by what was said about her in the Receptionist meeting with me, and that si why she wasn't talking to me. I really had to hold my tongue because I wanted her to tell everyone what was said, since there was a tape recorder and a PA taking minutes. But I did say I was moving forward, and I meant that, so I thought to myself, just keep quiet. And now, she has admitted that she wasn't talking to me, something that she has been denying!

I told her that I was not interested in this nonsense, I wanted to move forward and get on with my work. I also said that as professionals we should agree to be civil at work. Well guess what, she then echoed everything that I said about being professional. This girl just happens to be 8 years my senior!

I sat emotionless throughout the meeting which I knew was making her blood boil, but she has no idea how hard that was for me. It is probably the most difficult thing that I had gone through in my life. HR agreed that no further action would be taken and adjourned the meeting. We agreed to move forward, hence the offers of making me tea.

Well, she lost this round and as far as I am aware, HR told my Manager to keep an eye on the complaint girl. Whether my Manager told me this just to keep the peace, I don't know! For once she didn't get what she wanted and I came out with a smile! I knew that she would never change her attitude towards me and to be honest, I didn't care. I had come out of this meeting with my head held high and if I could get through this, then I could get through anything!

Straight from the Horses Mouth

I went for an interview yesterday, very busy company, not quite what I do but similar in procedure. The contacted me back today to tell me that they have decided to go with another candidate, and "they will keep my CV on file because they were "impressed with me". Yes, I was also impressed with the fact that they distinctly told me that they would not be expanding anytime soon!

A quick email that I sent to my other half. Basically explains my day!

"hi just had a chat with my Manager and I told him what happened so he defended my senior colleague and said that if that is what he wants then I have to send out he renewals and whatever letters in his name because he is the account executive and i am only the handler to help administer with the paper work etc. So I said ok fine. as long as i know what i have to do and what my duties are. so then he says why don't we have a meeting the 3 of us and we can sit down and my senior colleague can say what he has to say and you can say what you have to say. So I was like no thanks I'd rather not I don't do those type of meetings any more. the last time HR had to come in. So he was like HR are not going to come in. So I was like well I just don't know anymore. I'm not making an issue of it. It is not an issue I just want to know how you want me to do the work and I will do it. I just want to come in and do my work end of. So he was like ok well then I will chat to my senior colleague when I speak to him later and I said that if he wants his name signed or letters typed then he has to give it to the dictation PA because I have too much to do and when I stop my work to do his then my work is affected. And I do not have the time to do his work this afternoon tomorrow maybe but not today."

FYI, my senior colleague hinted that I send out an invalid document to a client to keep them quiet while he sorts out his mistakes. I refused!

Today was a good day!

Well, I have started looking for another job, a real shame as I erally like working here. Not only is it convenient, I have some really good friends that I have made in the short period that I have been here!

I don't feel that I will get anywhere in this position because this is a male dominated field, and I also don't really have the character or the determination to continue fighting for the right to be treated like everyone else. If I wanted to be discriminated against, I would not have left Africa!

I sometimes think that I cause my own problems. As I usually do when there are not too many people in the office, I offer everyone a cup of tea. In this instance, 3 people were in the office and I offered a cup to the complaint girl, and another colleague in my team. The other colleague declined and the complaint girl just ignored me completely. There is no way that she did not hear what I said! Luck was on my side, one of the directors was standing right in front of her desk. He looked at me with a bewildered look on my face and I knew he was quite upset with her behaviour. I looked at him in shock that she would actually stoop to these levels in front of a senior boss. As I turned around to walk away, she suddenly looked at me and said, "sorry, are you talking to me?"Yea right, I believe you didn't hear me. This process repeated itself twice today when I spoke to her when she pretended she didn't hear me. I am not a rude person, but this girl will turn me into the ignorant person that she is if she is not careful!

My colleague who sits next to me went out for another extended lunch. When there was 15 minutes left of the working day, he went onto the web, as he does everyday. I have my personal email opened most of the day but I don't spend my entire time looking at it. So I asked him jokingly if he had any work to do. He was offended that I asked and snapped back, I don't have my email opened the whole day and he then proceded to re-adjust his web browser to the size I have it when I open it. He then commented that he was watching me. Such a relief to know I'm feeling like the odd person out and being watched by everyone.

Anyway, the weekend beckons and anywhere is better than here.

FYI. Did you know that most people resign within 6 weeks of a grevience meeting?

It's my birthday!

So it's my birthday, we gonna have a party!

Got a lovely card from my other half! And the young-uns also really gave me something nice. I know it wasn't expensive but they chose it and it is what they wanted to give me. My other half has promised me a surprise next weekend! Hmmmmmm???

My parents gave me a handbag and lottery tickets. That was nice! Same as last year, just I got my present in February and not in July. BUt I am grateful for that, at least they have made the
effort this year to get me something on my birthday. I feel loved!

My sister does not talk to me so I don't know whether I will get an acknowledgement from her! That is a whole blog of it's own, so we won't get into that! I've moved on so I hope that one day
she will! It would be nice but hey, I really couldn't be bothered if she calls me or not. I have my family to think about and they are the most important thing to me and they will always come first!

It's nice getting all the text messages and emails and phone calls wishing me Happy Birthday!

I plan on enjoying the day.......And the rest of my life!

I've been Bitching!

Well, it's my birthday soon! I share my birthday with one of my work colleagues so we have decided to have a lunch and invite the team to come! One of the team is out to see one of our suppliers for the day that we planned to have the lunch, so he asked if we could change the date so he could come too!

So we have moved the lunch forward to today so we can accommodate everyone that wants to come. I was fine with this, but yesterday, there was a hint that we go to a pub that's known for imitating a popular Asian cuisine. I have eaten there before, and their version of food is not the sentiments that I share about food. But anyway, it's my birthday, we go, we go, we go we go!

Yesterday was all work. I've decided to start doing my work first instead of prioritising everyone else. Well, I'm already the black sheep of the team, so it can get any worse. Maybe I'll start getting a little more respect! My senior colleague has someone that types up his letters from dictaphone but he prefers me to type out his letters while he dictates rather than use the person whose job it is to type out the letters? I know that he prefers me to do them because he likes the why I write and format the letters. But if I do this, which usually takes about 30 minutes per letter, then I fall behind with my work and have to stay late to catch up. So today no, he needs to use his dictaphone!

The Manager asked me if I had asked him permission to have a birthday lunch. But I told him why should I, everyone else takes 2 hour lunches when it is their birthday, so what makes me different? Well, I was really bitchy to him, which really wasn't fair on him when I think about it! I will apologise to him tomorrow. I'll buy him a chocolate to make up! But it's the truth!

I noticed something yesterday again. The Colleague that made a complaint against me, offered me a cup of tea which I politely declined. I will revisit this tea offer later when I explain my second meeting with HR. I was very chatty with my Manager and those that sit close to him. This person did not say a word all the time I was talking. I walked out of the office and she immediately picked up the conversation where I had left it. Don't worry darling, you are allowed to talk when I am around. You spend most of your life at work so it's only fair that you feel comfortable in your work environment!

Well guess what, hot news just in! The team have decided to go down to the pub that I don't like because someone that is leaving the company is having drinks there because today is his last day. Well, I suppose that me trying to organise a lunch for my birthday was really not what everyone was interested in doing. No probs, I'll sort myself out and go out with family and friends. I'm beginning to think that I am a person that no one likes.

The Signing in Book Again!

Well, today, I was going to start with how nice it is to get to work quickly and without any hassle, but I won't!

Today, I am really boiling! I was speaking to a colleague of mine and I asked her about whether she was signing in the book when she was leaving early or coming in late, which due to family commitments, she has been doing for the last few weeks. When you come in late or leave early, you have to get the permission from my manager for this. Of course, when I ask for permission, I am told to sign the book to reflect this. But, my colleague has not been told to do this. So I guess that company policy has now changed for me. I have the proof in an email from my boss. I am really unhappy about this! How can there be one rule for me and another rule for someone else? So who do I complain to? My boss? The one who is imposing all these restrictions on me? If I complain to anyone, then I will be looked upon as the person that complains about everything!

Have a look at my post "New Job?".

Don't get me wrong, my company is quite flexible in accommodating the odd time you have to come in late, but I always make sure that I work my time in whether it be during lunch or after normal working hours. I am, after all a working mother, and I think the government would by law be happy with companies that have this policy, rather than having mothers stay at home and leech of the system because companies cannot accommodate them for being mothers.

Yesterday started really well. I had this really tasty canned soup, Baxter's to be exact. My other half refuses to buy any other canned soup, and I'm sure he would have it everyday if it was served to him on a platter! Everyone in the team were having a really jovial discussion when my senior colleague interjected and sternly asked me if I was doing my work? What? I am not the one that will cause the company to get fined by the FSA for not following procedure! I'm not the one that goes out for 2 hour lunches and comes back drunk! I'm not the one that sits the whole day sorting out family matters on company time.

But, I am not a man and I obviously don't drink or socialise with the right people! I suppose it's who you know, not what you know!

The Boss is Off, the Office is Off too!"

Well, it's Monday again, I had a nice quiet weekend!

Back to work, but I have a new outlook, and I am seriously looking to move from here.

I didn't really get a chance on Friday to update my blog, but it was all fun and games at the office!

The receptionist has this week off, so they have brought a temp in. The temp was sitting with her on Friday and when I walked in, the receptionist introduced me to the new temp and used the male pronunciation of my name. Well, I could have kicked off but I thought to myself, it's really not worth it. She doesn't say anything to me at all and when she does, she insults me. She can't even say that she made a mistake, because she pronounces her words well and she has never called me the male equivalent of my name, ever!

Now, if ever there was discrimination, that is it! But what to do, she is doing her damn best to break me down.

I really feel for her, because one of her family relatives is not well at all, and she has time to continue a so unnecessary vendetta against me, one that she started. Let it go, you have more important things to worry about girl!

Anyway, the Manager had a day off on Friday, and all the little kids did what little kids do! 2 Guys from the office went out for a 2 hour lunch, the golden children! It reminds me of the time that I went out for about 50 minutes, and came back with a sandwich. I decided to toast it but I had to clean the toaster before and I made sure I cleaned it after as well. So I was 15 minutes outside my lunch hour, and then I got the awakening of my life! My Manager came in to the staff room and said, "People are complaining that you are taking more than 1 hour lunch!" Yes, I know, if those people left the toaster in a decent state, then I wouldn't be stuck in here with now cold toast, and still the toaster is dirty!

Anyway, he is the manager, so I can only assume that those people that have a problem with me are higher then him, or have something on him! In fact, no I think that he just needs a little people management course. If he was sitting in my shoes, then he would get a good people management course. How not to rectify comments that I perseve to be racist! Because then, it just mutates into another form of abuse, then they say,"You see, I'm not being racist!"

It's Monday morning and I am at work for 8:30am, the time the colleague that made an informal complaint against me is meant to start. My other half gives me a call at 8:49, and guess what, she is not yet in. I suppose it suits, her, start earlier than everyone else and say you got here earlier than you actually did. This is not the first time that this has happened when I have come in early and she has not been here. Yes, I will harp on about it, when I am late in, I have to put it down in the book, my Manager went as far as doing it for me. I haven't seen him do this for anyone else or say anything to anyone else about taking time off during office hours.

I feel so special, everyone watching me and everyone wanting me to prove myself!

The "Is It Bullying?" Part.......Part 1

Let me say that I am proud to be a Coloured person and I am proud of my heritage!

My problems began when the RECEPTIONIST referred to me as being black with straight hair. I am fairly dark-skinned, darker when I get a little sunlight! I politely explained to her that I am known as a Coloured, something that I have always insisted on being classified as even when filing out the endless paperwork for the NHS. I am mixed, and any fool can see that! The receptionist is Black with her heritage from the West Indies.

She kept at it with me being black, many times in front of other colleagues. I told her on several occasions that I was not black and I was coloured. In the end I just started ignoring her comments and carrying on with my day-to-day duties at work.

But she always found a way to work on me. Some of the comments included “I’m going to go home and have a laugh about this with my mother”, “Your children must be confused, what colour do you tell them they are”, “YOU ARE BLACK!”.

I had enough of her, despite me telling her on several occasions that I would prefer not to discuss it. It started affecting my health and I found that I was falling sick for no real reason. She had affected me to that extent.

I discussed it with my Manager who told me that he heard her discussing it with someone at her desk and he asked her not to discuss it because it upsets me, something he denied to HR later on!

I did get an email from her apologising and stating that she knows how difficult it is because she has "white" relatives. Obviously she has no idea how it feels because if she has white relatives, then I have alien relatives from Mars. she may have relatives that have married white people, but this girl did not pay enough attention in Biology. I emailed her back accepting her apology, and telling her to forget about it.

Well my Manager did nothing about it and the abuse carried on. In the end, I didn’t want to go to work because I didn’t want to be put in the spotlight and my ethnicity examined in an open court.

Of course by this time, she had probably discussed the issue with the whole office. I’m sure if everyone was asked to give evidence under oath, they would all deny any knowledge of such a discussion so as not to get involved, or the way I see it, keep the pressure up on the bullying. Well, they would deny it, unless you told them that you would use a lie detector! Then, everyone will change their stories!

I spoke to my other half and we both agreed that maybe a letter to the Manager may force his hand into doing something. So in the nicest way, I complained about the constant abuse from the receptionist and pointed out that I was only interested in the abuse stopping and not getting anyone fired. For the record, the Receptionist already has 2 written warnings about her conduct from HR after formal complaints were made about her.

In my Manager's infinite wisdom, he didn’t try and sort it out with a quick chat to both of us, he passed it onto HR. This is the first time I realised that he has no way of dealing with people issues, and especially recognising that that a problem exists in his department. At this point, I knew that it was my word against hers.

HR contacted me and told me that they would be coming in to try and resolve the situation. In the meantime, we both had holidays and did not cross each other’s paths much to give her an opportunity to pick on me.

At this point, I was mentally drained and really did not have the capacity to defend myself, or accuse anyone of doing anything. Something that both my Manager and HR failed to recognise. HR are based at a geographically differently located office, and I don't think that they have the faintest ideas of the office politics and who hangs around with who.

I attended the meeting with the Receptionist and HR because I made the informal complaint, and HR are following the recommended minimum procedures. I did ask for my Manager to attend because at the time I felt that the Receptionist would lie and by him being there, she might be persuaded from lying all through the meeting. HR denied my request, and my Manager was barred from the meeting. HR told me that the meeting would be between us three and "the 4 walls", something she said when we were all present! Also, notes were taken, not minutes.

She then relayed my grievences to the Receptionist who sat doodling on her pad whilst denying everything that she said. She did admit to the abuse, the bare minimum to justify her apology email, but she also admitted to saying sorry and that she did not continue after she apologised. So then, I'm a liar. I wonder if that is called defamation of character? Why would I bother to complain about someone that has been working there for more than 6 years, has already escaped 2 warnings and who nows how many others that haven't been reported, and I have barely been here 6 months?

The receptionist spoke to me like I was a child in the meeting. I mentally was not prepared to argue with this girl so I just didn't bother in hounding her for an answer, and I am not that kind of person anyway! The highlight of this meeting was the mention of mutual colleague of ours. She kept referring to her despite the fact that both HR and I reminded her on many occasions that she was not involved and if she was, she would be in the meeting.

The meeting ended with her saying that she was not like that and she didn't say almost all of what I remember her saying. She left the meeting and I relayed to HR that she was lying. I did get a muted agreement from HR, who insisted that their hands are tied into doing anything about it at this point.

Long after the meeting, I relayed to another colleague, who had been there when she said most of these things, what the Receptionist had denied in the meeting. She was gobsmacked and questioned why I didn't stick up for myself? I don't think anyone can understand what I felt like through this period! I had been mentally abused to the point that everything I did was affected.

Anyway, the receptionist left the meeting and proceeded to call, from the company phone, our mutual colleague, and tell her that I had involved her in our meeting. They had a shouting match over the phone and she decided that she was going to head back into the office because she shouldn't be involved. I will explain in Part 2 what part she plays in all this. Both my Manager and HR called her and told her that she should not come back into the office because the meeting did not involve her.

But, it was too late, the damage had been done. Me, the whinger, who had tried to sit down with this girl and resolve the situation, had been seen to involve a third party! The exact opposite of what I was hoping to achieve. The consequences of this fateful call, in part 2!

Who I am

Well, let me explain how it all started!

I am from Southern Africa, with ancestors from the local African and the settling European. The history of my racial background goes something like this:

I am locally known, in the country of my origin, as a Goffal or a Coloured. Coloured is my official race as designated to me by the Government and appears on my birth certificate and any official government document that will refer to my race. It would not be normal for a person to say, “Please ask that coloured person to stop” if I was walking down the street. Everyone would know who to stop.

Coloured, I hate the word Goffal, can refer to a mixture of any race but is predominantly a mixture of local black tribes, and white settlers. 99% of Goffal surnames are of European origin, mainly English and Dutch names.

During the white minority rule in then Rhodesia, all children resulting from interracial relations were separated from their families and put into race specific schools and restricted to living in coloured designated neighbourhoods. As a result the mixed race offspring began to marry and have families within their racial. The Coloured community began to grow and gain an identity. This evolution happened over around 200 years I would estimate. I’m not a historian, I am just looking back at family histories! Go to www.goffal.com for a little idea of the community and search the terms Goffal and mixed race Southern Africans in wikipedia for more information.

The sad thing about our community is that because we really have suffered from not having any good relationships with both White European and Black African, we have very little written history. Also, because we have suffered as a community under both these groups, we don’t really have any identity.

Our forefathers who would be pensioners now, did jobs such as boilermaking, welding, mechanics, and the women were mainly secretaries and clerks in the banks under Colonial Rule. When Independence was granted, the Black Africans took over the power and the jobs from the European whites that had settled. Coloured people always had the benefit of better jobs than African blacks under Colonial rule. Coloureds were still shunned upon because they had been favoured under the Colonial rule and, therefore work place progression suffering continued. Few coloured businessmen and women started their own companies and progressed in their careers. Most did what their parents did.

Traditional coloured designated areas still exist until today, and so do white and black, but there is more integration in that society. It is still shunned upon to marry someone outside your race. Coloured people have moved to all the corners of the earth for economic reasons.

I grew up in the era just after independence and am one of the lucky ones who views people of all colours as just human beings. Coming from the society I grew up in, this is an achievement and something that can only accomplished successfully if you leave Africa all together.

New Job?

Well, last night was a bit of a bummer, my workmate's car battery was flat and she asked me if I can use my spanking new baby to charge it. In the process, she broke the cover for my battery. Not an issue but I think they put it there for a reason!

So I told her and got the usual, "it looks OK, can we get the part from the cheapest place!" If I wanted a second hand part, I would have bought a second hand car!

Well what do you know, a colleague of mine left the office for a couple of hours of their private business, but they didn't have to sign in the book! I wonder why I have to sign it then? Are they monitoring me, or am I just being paranoid?

I've decided that the only way to progress is to leave and find myself something else! It was a really hard decision with everyone advising me not to go down that road, but I feel that I will never grow here. A couple of weeks ago, a colleague was made part of our team to "help" when I needed it. Well, the problem is everyone knew that he was going to become part of the team except me, who was to work with him. And to top it off, The Team Leader, takes him for a drink! I suppose that I am the wrong gender for that. No one took me for a drink when I joined!

So, there is really no point in hanging around here. I am a number and I will never get the respect and acknowledgement for the amount of work that I do! I don’t go drinking with the boys to the pub, I don’t think my other half will appreciate that!

And another thing, he mustn’t think that I’m going to train him. The only reason he got the gig is that he apparently knows how to do my job, because he has done it at his previous job. Well, this job is the same right across the industry! You don’t have to be taught it if you have done it before. The most you will need to learn how to do is invoice, which he knows!

I know that it sounds like I am sour grapes, but after all I've gone through, they could be a little more discrete if they didn't want me to know what they were up to!

FYI, greeted the receptionist, she ignored me again. She can’t keep ignoring me everytime I greet her. Well, she has been. The other one who made a complaint against me greets me. I politely greet back but I am still wary of her motives.

I’m still staying out of her way, not prepared to get bitten again. I’ve noticed that she doesn’t say anything to the Manager when I am around, but as soon as I leave my desk, she chats away with him like they are old buddies. Well maybe they are?

I'm Late for Work, My Bad!

Well there has been an accident in the area and there is no way that I am going to get into work on time.

It amazes me how the Police in the UK deal with accidents? To cause maximum disruption to everyone! I suppose they have guidelines to follow, and in all fairness, I doubt there is a better Police force in the world!

Anyway, I called my boss to tell him that I am running late and will work my time in during my lunch hour. He had no problem with that and he told me not to forget to put it in the timebook.

Well, yes we have a time book and everyone is supposed to make an entry when they leave the office. For example, if you are going out to meet a client, you put it down in this book. Well, I've been here for 1 year and 8 months and all the times I've taken time to go to the doctor, late because of whatever reason, I've never been told about entering this information into this book. In fact, just yesterday, a colleague of mine came in late and was not told to enter this into the time book, and they did not volunteer to do it. Interesting? I wonder if this is in the employee handbook?

For the record, I got in 20 minutes late, and I worked about 35 minutes more that I should have last night!

So I'll send the boss an email and ask him which book I should put this down in because I have noticed that no one is using the book he has asked me to use!

I need to start my story from scratch so you all know why I have decided to use a blog to make a record of all that goes on surrounding me.

HR don't seem to be to concerned about my concerns. They are just following procedure, which is their job. I think that all HR people should attend conflict management classes so they can recognise what is a conflict and how it affects productivity.

My work problems have made me more aware of my surroundings and also how bullying changes faces making it virtually impossible to try and stop it in the workplace, without letting everyone wear a big brother style microphone so everything is recorded!

It has been very difficult to even have the energy to do what I am doing now. Bullies break you down so that you are constantly physically and mentally drained.

And it doesn't help that I am an emotional person that wears my heart on my sleeve. Something a male dominated industry will never understand!

Same Old Situation

I got in this morning, I haven't seen her for a while. As usual I greet her but she ignores me. I really can't be bothered but I will be the bigger person and greet her. One of the other ladies comes out of the restroom just as I walked in. She gives me the cold shoulder too and the receptionist comments, "Did you see how I ignored her?" Is she talking about me, who she just ignored?

Well the day is good so far, my colleague that made a complaint against me has greeted me. Shock horror! I am pleasantly surprised with this and I greet her back, for the first time meaning it and not just spluttering it out! I'm still wary of her because she has changed from totally ignoring me and mentally playing with my mind to being all nice and friendly! I don't know what her game is? What I do know is that I will definitely be staying out of her path. I think it is safer that way! Then she can't complain about what I didn't do to her!

Had an informal meeting with a senior member of my team. He is a real character. Nice guy but, not really your people's person. He babbled on about nothing and tried to act important. But what shocked me is that he has said that he is glad that my issues with the complaint girl is over and he hopes that I can start pulling my weight! He went on to say that the reason they hired me was because they know I can do the job, but I haven't been doing it! What? So what he is really saying is that I am crap at my job. Thanks for telling me! Obviously the probation period was just routine and they couldn't be bothered to find someone else. Or maybe he is out of the office to much to see what really goes on! I'm not the one that takes 2 hour lunches. I'm not the one that goes to visit clients without any paperwork! And I'm the one that does his work and mine! Oh yes, he said that if things got ugly he would have stuck in my corner! Fat chance?

Well he has spend his whole day sorting out an issue that one of his working son's had! I wonder who is not doing their job? But he is good at what he does, I'll give him that! He has brought in a good amount of business, but with less wine, he could probably double that! If only the bosses knew!