The "Is It Bullying?" Part.......Part 1

Let me say that I am proud to be a Coloured person and I am proud of my heritage!

My problems began when the RECEPTIONIST referred to me as being black with straight hair. I am fairly dark-skinned, darker when I get a little sunlight! I politely explained to her that I am known as a Coloured, something that I have always insisted on being classified as even when filing out the endless paperwork for the NHS. I am mixed, and any fool can see that! The receptionist is Black with her heritage from the West Indies.

She kept at it with me being black, many times in front of other colleagues. I told her on several occasions that I was not black and I was coloured. In the end I just started ignoring her comments and carrying on with my day-to-day duties at work.

But she always found a way to work on me. Some of the comments included “I’m going to go home and have a laugh about this with my mother”, “Your children must be confused, what colour do you tell them they are”, “YOU ARE BLACK!”.

I had enough of her, despite me telling her on several occasions that I would prefer not to discuss it. It started affecting my health and I found that I was falling sick for no real reason. She had affected me to that extent.

I discussed it with my Manager who told me that he heard her discussing it with someone at her desk and he asked her not to discuss it because it upsets me, something he denied to HR later on!

I did get an email from her apologising and stating that she knows how difficult it is because she has "white" relatives. Obviously she has no idea how it feels because if she has white relatives, then I have alien relatives from Mars. she may have relatives that have married white people, but this girl did not pay enough attention in Biology. I emailed her back accepting her apology, and telling her to forget about it.

Well my Manager did nothing about it and the abuse carried on. In the end, I didn’t want to go to work because I didn’t want to be put in the spotlight and my ethnicity examined in an open court.

Of course by this time, she had probably discussed the issue with the whole office. I’m sure if everyone was asked to give evidence under oath, they would all deny any knowledge of such a discussion so as not to get involved, or the way I see it, keep the pressure up on the bullying. Well, they would deny it, unless you told them that you would use a lie detector! Then, everyone will change their stories!

I spoke to my other half and we both agreed that maybe a letter to the Manager may force his hand into doing something. So in the nicest way, I complained about the constant abuse from the receptionist and pointed out that I was only interested in the abuse stopping and not getting anyone fired. For the record, the Receptionist already has 2 written warnings about her conduct from HR after formal complaints were made about her.

In my Manager's infinite wisdom, he didn’t try and sort it out with a quick chat to both of us, he passed it onto HR. This is the first time I realised that he has no way of dealing with people issues, and especially recognising that that a problem exists in his department. At this point, I knew that it was my word against hers.

HR contacted me and told me that they would be coming in to try and resolve the situation. In the meantime, we both had holidays and did not cross each other’s paths much to give her an opportunity to pick on me.

At this point, I was mentally drained and really did not have the capacity to defend myself, or accuse anyone of doing anything. Something that both my Manager and HR failed to recognise. HR are based at a geographically differently located office, and I don't think that they have the faintest ideas of the office politics and who hangs around with who.

I attended the meeting with the Receptionist and HR because I made the informal complaint, and HR are following the recommended minimum procedures. I did ask for my Manager to attend because at the time I felt that the Receptionist would lie and by him being there, she might be persuaded from lying all through the meeting. HR denied my request, and my Manager was barred from the meeting. HR told me that the meeting would be between us three and "the 4 walls", something she said when we were all present! Also, notes were taken, not minutes.

She then relayed my grievences to the Receptionist who sat doodling on her pad whilst denying everything that she said. She did admit to the abuse, the bare minimum to justify her apology email, but she also admitted to saying sorry and that she did not continue after she apologised. So then, I'm a liar. I wonder if that is called defamation of character? Why would I bother to complain about someone that has been working there for more than 6 years, has already escaped 2 warnings and who nows how many others that haven't been reported, and I have barely been here 6 months?

The receptionist spoke to me like I was a child in the meeting. I mentally was not prepared to argue with this girl so I just didn't bother in hounding her for an answer, and I am not that kind of person anyway! The highlight of this meeting was the mention of mutual colleague of ours. She kept referring to her despite the fact that both HR and I reminded her on many occasions that she was not involved and if she was, she would be in the meeting.

The meeting ended with her saying that she was not like that and she didn't say almost all of what I remember her saying. She left the meeting and I relayed to HR that she was lying. I did get a muted agreement from HR, who insisted that their hands are tied into doing anything about it at this point.

Long after the meeting, I relayed to another colleague, who had been there when she said most of these things, what the Receptionist had denied in the meeting. She was gobsmacked and questioned why I didn't stick up for myself? I don't think anyone can understand what I felt like through this period! I had been mentally abused to the point that everything I did was affected.

Anyway, the receptionist left the meeting and proceeded to call, from the company phone, our mutual colleague, and tell her that I had involved her in our meeting. They had a shouting match over the phone and she decided that she was going to head back into the office because she shouldn't be involved. I will explain in Part 2 what part she plays in all this. Both my Manager and HR called her and told her that she should not come back into the office because the meeting did not involve her.

But, it was too late, the damage had been done. Me, the whinger, who had tried to sit down with this girl and resolve the situation, had been seen to involve a third party! The exact opposite of what I was hoping to achieve. The consequences of this fateful call, in part 2!